Thursday 22 September 2011

Motivation

I've started about a bigillion posts in the last couple of weeks months, but this one, I'm bound and determined to finish.

I'm participating in a Walk for the Cure in Saskatoon on October 2nd.  I've posted numerous times on Facebook and only have 2 VERY generous donations.  That's it.  I'm thinking maybe I just need to provide more motivation.  Maybe I need to go door to door.  Maybe I need to pledge to run it instead of walk.  Maybe I just need to tell the story.

My mother is a very strong and courageous woman.  She's one of the kindest and most giving people I have ever known in my life, and yet she's had to go through more shit than anyone should ever have to.  I'm not going to apologize for the language.  To call it anything less than that would be an understatement.

My mother is my best friend, and I will be her biggest advocate.  To be completely honest, she hasn't the foggiest clue I'm doing this for her.

For years while I was growing up, mom complained about being in pain.  Pain in her joints.  Pain in  her body.  No doctors could ever help her.  She repeatedly visited family doctors; switched doctors, and left doctors.  Not once did they have an answer for her that they divulged.  Come to find out all too late that one doctor did.  One doctor knew that she had a disease that was killing her liver.  That one doctor never told her.

In 2001/2002, she was officially diagnosed with both diabetes and liver disease... severe liver disease.  In 2002, she unsuccessfully underwent an experimental treatment for the liver disease.  They said she had 6 months or so to live.  She's gone through numerous treatments, management plans, changes in lifestyle, etc. to keep on living.  She's a fighter, thru and thru, and today she still lives!  It's amazing, and a blessing, but we are all aware that things can take a turn for the worst at any time, and it did.

Suddenly, in 2010, she began to lose massive amounts of weight.  We all knew the liver disease was taking a toll on her.  We all knew the diabetes was causing problems. BUT we all knew there was something else that was wrong. 

And we were right.

In the spring of 2011, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

Fortunately for my mother, the type of cancer she has/had is usually of the non-metastasizing type, meaning it usually doesn't spread.  It does, however, grow at a very fast rate.  This particular type of cancer is not treatable through chemo or radiation, but is through surgery.  Shortly after receiving the diagnosis, she was under the knife.

Talking to her following the surgery, she kept saying she could "feel" it was still there.  She *knew* they didn't get it all.  Secretly, I brushed it off.  Thought they knew what they were doing... thought she couldn't feel that.  Unfortunately for my mother, the surgeons did not take all of the cancerous tissue out.  The margins surrounding the tumor removed still contained cancerous tissue.  It's a wait and watch.  Not sure what we are waiting for... not sure what we are watching for, but we are pretty sure someday we'll see.  She continues to lose the weight and is increasingly weaker.

I look at my mother these days, and I don't see the same woman.  She was always very vibrant looking.  Bright, big blue eyes; full flushed red cheeks.  So beautiful.  Today, she's so frail and thin, pale and weak.  Still beautiful, as always, but you look in her eyes and you see she is hurting.  I used to get lost in her arms when she would hug me.  Now I'm afraid to hug too hard.  She sleeps probably 16 hours a day, and has difficulty managing solid food.  She's in constant pain.

What are the odds that someone facing impossible odds at surviving life would be dealt a devastating blow of breast cancer? Apparently just the same as you or I... 1 in 4.  I, now having it in my family history, have a higher rate than that.  So does my daughter, Aurora.

There are many times she's contemplated giving up the fight and never did. I'm not sure what keeps her going, but somewhere in there is a determination that I wish you could harness. Maybe somewhere in there is a little hope too.

This isn't an attempt at a sob story.  This is my mother's life.  A life that rests in the hands of the medical community on a daily basis.  We know that curing breast cancer will not save her life, but we also know it could prolong it.  Be aware that your story could be mine, or my mothers... 1 in 4 is a staggering statistic.  Every penny that you donate goes to finding a cure and a treatment - even better yet - a method of prevention.

Please, please donate... even $5.  It all adds up. http://www.runforthecure.com/site/TR/RunfortheCure2012/PrairiesNWT?px=1884672&pg=personal&fr_id=1299

And in case you need to put a face to the name, here she is (taken in summer 2010).


MY mother. 

If you read this, love you mom.