Why my kids ARE the center of my world

Recently I've seen this blog post repeated over and over again on Facebook. 

http://themetzfamilyadventures.blogspot.ca/2013/10/why-my-kids-are-not-center-of-my-world.html

Likes upon likes.

It's quite likely this post is going to be met with dismay, but like the girl in the post, I too have strong feelings about it.  If you haven't read it yet, I suggest you do.  If nothing else, it will make you think about society today.

One of my biggest problems with this post is the comparison of our generation (I'm 31 - she is 29) to our children's generation.  I'm not sure the age of her boys, but I have children aged 3-11.  We're still in the toddler and preschool age, but we are also now entering the preteen and teen years as well. 

I'll start by saying this comparison is like comparing apples to oranges.  They should be similar.  I wish they were similar.  But they, my friends, are not.

When we were children, we could play the good guy/bad guy.  We could play with toy guns.  We could fashion swords from sticks.  We could rough house, and fight and push each other around...

Until one day one of those children brought a real gun to a real school and shot real children.  It's incredibly unfortunate to think that this happened anywhere to anyone, let alone that it continued to happen over and over again.  Our generation sparked a trend, and fuelled by media created a quiver in the bellies of those feeling ho-hum, unremarkable, and obviously suffering from some sort of mental illness. 

There was a time - not too long ago - when bullying was defined as slamming someone up against a locker and stealing their lunch money.  There was a time when kids got called names and got picked on, and they brushed it off and worked through it (ask me how I know this).  Now, if Sally calls Susie a bitch (please excuse my language if that offends you), Susie's whole world crumbles around her, she contemplates suicide, and this society encourages her to feel like her world truly has ended, and she should feel entitled to a world-wide pity party.  And Sally - phew!  She should be jailed!  She should be thrown in juvenile detention for acting like - gasp - a teenage girl acts.

Wow - that's quite the statement.

Yes, there was a time when kids ONLY got called names, or picked on physically or verbally. Unfortunately, for the current generation, those methods of bullying are antiquated.  Things would be so much easier if "Susie" was only called a bitch.  Instead, a vulnerable photo is photoshoped, plastered all over the internet, and used as a slander campaign.  This younger generation can be exceptionally cruel and cold, and it is nearly impossible to speculate how that should feel if you haven't lived through it.  What would this blogger suggest saying if her own daughter came home feeling desolate, heartbroken and shattered as a person... "Suck it up, buttercup"?  There is a fine line between encouraging your child to have confidence enough to brush off what others say and do and ignoring their feelings.  What they feel is very real.  And Sally?  Well she needs to understand the consequences of actions - the younger the better.  The fact that anyone gains happiness from someone else's pain should be stopped in its tracks immediately.

My children do not need to feel like butterflies and rainbows all the time.  They will be mad, sad, happy... the whole gamut of emotions.  They are not given everything they want, nor do they get to do anything they want.  We have rules in our house and everyone is expected to abide by them.  The school system has let things slide in recent years.  Because of it's "slipping", I will encourage them to do better.  I will reward achievements.  We will discuss failures, and I will allow my children to fall and teach them how to get back up.  I won't leave the owness on society to do it for me.  Through all of this, one thing is for certain though - none of this needs to make them feel ridiculed or their feelings stomped into the ground.  They deserve to feel whole.

My children are special.  They are exceptional.  They are capable of big things.  They can change the world.  I will continue to raise them this way.  I will raise them like the center of my universe, and I will let them find comfort in knowing this... Aside from God, there is no one else in this world who will give them that to the magnitude that a parent can.  I CAN do this and also teach them to accept and deal with the realities of this society we have created.  Don't wipe your hands clean of it's current state.  Our generation helped to shape it as it is. 

This post isn't to slam the blogger's whole discussion.  I agree with many of the points she has, and while I understand where she is coming from, I also feel as though she's missing the fact that the world is not what it used to be.  I'm seeing this more now than ever as my older children are hitting the grades where the attacks on their emotional well-being begin.  We cannot parent the way we were parented.  Ignoring the changes and expecting your children to come out unscathed, strong and a better person might work, but it might not.  Give them the cushion that is a family.

But most of all...

Do not underestimate the power one person has in the world.

Have a Little Faith

My alarm goes off for the third time.  The snooze button is hit once again, and I open my eyes.  I can hear little feet walking around the house and I know it's time to get up.  Getting out of bed feels like a feat in and of itself.  Slowly I inch my way to sitting position, and my heart sinks. 

It's another day.

It's another day that I don't want to do.  For the first time in YEARS, I don't want to go to work... ever.  Every single day I wake up and think I should call in sick.  It's November 4th, and I have 0 sick hours remaining.  It's not the work I don't want to do.  It's not the environment I don't want to be in.  It's the physical, mental and emotional exhaustion that I don't want to experience, and it starts with the freaking alarm clock.

My personal life is filled with it's own set of road closures and diversions.  I'm in a persistent state of feeling like a failure, just barely keeping my head above the water.  I'm surrounded by half finished projects, dishes to be done, floors to be mopped, and clothes to be folded.  My mind is preoccupied with dreams of an acreage to call home, being overshadowed with financial doubts.  Materialistic possessions like new vehicles bring more burden then joy.  Resurrected hobbies like riding are laden with guilt for taking away time to spend with the family.  I check out more than I check in with the kids.  I worry about others trapped in abusive relationships, and ride the roller coaster with them.  Little bits of hope shine through and my heart leaps for joy, but as always, are smashed to bits as the cycle begins once again.  I'm caught up in it all, and I'm desperate to just breath.

And then there's nothing left of me.  Just someone who knows exactly what she wants, but has absolutely no way of achieving that.  I feel a little like I'm slowly turning inside out as the only viable solution I can think of is to work harder or faster or more, and quite honestly I have nothing left to give.  I need an extended holiday from my own life... only thing is - everyone needs me.

I've always been a woman of science, with the great big world of faith out of reach.  I always felt things were so black and white, cut and dry.  I could envision where I wanted to go, calculate how I wanted to get there, and most of the time executed the strategy.  I never felt like the equations were too big for my mind to compute... never too many variables that I couldn't end up solving for X.

I'm not sure if this is the natural progression in life, or if this is just circumstantial, but I can't solve for X anymore.  There are multiple answers and none the "right" choice.  I only get one iteration to get this right.  I keep begging for a "redo" option on days, but to no avail.  Poor choices of my own and of others are having big consequences and are rippling down my lifelines.

This is the point where I need to abandon my hard and fast rules and science.  I have to believe in something I can't see, because what I can see is exhausting.   

I need to have a little faith.