A Part of the Family

I'm reminded today about family.  About what family means, and the impact that said family leaves on your life. 

I know I am behind in my blogging, and I should be catching up on it... but I can't... not tonight.  My heart is heavy with a sadness I can't explain.  I can only hope that we can find some kind of resolution.

First, I'll backtrack a little and on a more positive note, talk about our wonderful visit with Tante Henny and Theo.  If you'll recall from a post a couple of weeks back, I talked about what a big part of Aurora and Denali's lives they were, and how I hoped they would be a bigger part of Graysen and Eloic's future.  Today we had a chance to catch up as we visited with them and their gorgeous baby Granddaughter, Lily.  It was so great to see the joy in their faces as they played with and doted on Lily.  G and Lily actually interacted in a way I hadn't anticipated - they loved each other!  We caught up and gabbed with Henny and Theo, ate a fantastic supper, and watched as an angelic Lily slept as Theo played the piano and Henny swayed with her.  Amazing the hypnotic effect the piano had on that little girl!  We are hoping to have many more visits with them in the upcoming months :)

Somewhere in the visit we talked about dogs.  We spoke of our fabulous Triscuit - our beautiful black English Cocker Spaniel.  A fantastic family dog, we hope to breed her this year - partly to give our children the experience of a birth and raising pups, and partly to entertain the idea of keeping a pup of hers.  Henny and Theo expressed some interest in a pup, and when we got home, I looked on Kijiji to see if we could find a suitable mate (she will be coming into heat shortly, so we want to line one up soon).  This is the part when my heart dropped, and I felt such a disappointment - both in ourselves and another family.

We've gone through a couple of dogs in our time as a family finding the right dog for us.  Some we gave up on early, some we worked for years to mold into what we wanted, but always we felt a feeling of guilt and relief when they left.  The feelings of guilt were quickly buried, remembering those dogs for the faults.  Three months ago, we gave away Molly to a family (for free).  Molly was probably one of the sweetest dogs you could ever meet, and she was ultimately a fantastic family dog, but she was not without her faults.  She was a piddler and didn't have the greatest hygiene.  This was not fault of her own - part of it was how we treated her (she became very submissive), and part of it was how she was raised (on a cement pad).  Could we have solved these issues on our own?  Maybe.  Did we have the energy to try?  Not really.  Did we think it was easier to find another home for her?  Definitely.  Another home it was...

When Molly left, I did a little happy dance.  I really felt this little hippy family would be her forever home.  I really, really thought they would be able to love her for all her faults.  It turns out they didn't.

Today, posted merely hours ago, was an ad for our Molly.  It was the first ad I saw in my search for a stud.   I have not looked on Kijiji for anything dog related since we posted our own add for Molly 3 months ago.  The irony that today, the day I finally look again, I see this ad. 

The ad reads:

American Cocker Spaniel for sale - $125.00. She is a great family dog, great with kids, and a great personality. She loves cuddles, is spayed, updated shots, enjoys walks and car rides. 

Molly, as easy as it seemed to give her away, was a family dog.  We mulled over the decision for weeks/months.  She was OUR family dog.  We loved her deeply, but she just never fit our family like Triscuit does.  That being said, the thought of her being bounced around from family to family is too much for me to bear.  I've emailed them, hoping that they might give her back to us so that we can help find her a more suitable home, or perhaps after our brief hiatus, refresh our relationship with her.  I can't help but shake the feeling that we turned our back on her, and that she will suffer from our short-comings.  .

I can't turn my back on her again.